i leave for sigma on sunday. these past few days have been very dark for me. for some reason i've been doubting my faith completely, doubting that God will actually help me with what seems like a lot of problems on my plate right now. for the past few days, i've ignored God and barely prayed at all. everytime i heard anything about God, a strong voice came into my head and said, "You actually BELIEVE that stuff? How could you possibly believe that?" i usually don't experience as much doubt as i did this week. but i know for a fact that there is a God who is desperate to love and guide us...when i was facing these doubts all this week, every single temptation that i've ever faced in my entire life came rushing back to me, even temptations i thought i had overcome long ago. it was awful. i felt so dark and low and sinful. every thought was about those temptations and not about the Lord. last night, my youth minister told me that "the devil has NO power besides the power we give him." before talking with him, i never really believed in the devil. i just believed that there is sin in the world. now, there's not a doubt in my mind that there's a devil who's just waiting to tempt me more and more every single day. if we give the devil the slightest bit of power, he'll take it and use it and put us through darkness that we can't get out of alone. also before this week, i still wasn't having a very good prayer life. i know now that things won't change immediately, but from now on, i'm hoping that my prayer life grows...a lot. so if anyone's still reading this blog, please pray that i will persevere and not give up. please pray that i was submit my life to God once again and realize that He is our only source of satisfaction and love and hope and joy. i already feel stronger, and i've barely done anything different...i'm just realizing that things need to change and trusting that God will help me. i love you all and i pray that you persevere too. don't ever give up. no one ever said having faith would be easy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKISYTwnn0A
