The Glorious, Mysterious Unknown

Just wanted to share a story with y'all. A few days ago I attended a funeral for a lady who died after heart surgery. She was only 51. Her daughter is a freshman in college. They go to our church and last year, when her daughter was still in high school, Mrs. Teresa (the lady that passed away) was one of our high school choir sponsors at church. She was my small group leader during our mission trip to San Francisco, so I had the privilege of getting to know the wonderful woman of God she was. She was our own Mother Teresa. Anyways, at the funeral, her favorite verse was read aloud, and it was none other than James 1:2-3, a verse that we are all quite familiar with~"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Those words shot me back to my week in Quest and my mind was racing. I recounted all we learned from James 1, especially verse 5 about wisdom: "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." When I got home after the funeral, I prayed: God, give me more wisdom, because I am lacking and you are generous to give. Please, Father, give me wisdom.

The next few days were pretty rough for me. I focused a lot of time on the topic of predestination. I searched for truth and still am. I found an explanation backed up by Scripture, and it blew me off my feet. I couldn't understand how God could work like that with predestining people and such. I was confused and frustrated (and honestly, I still am to a degree). So I told God this. I went to him and said that i was confused and frustrated, and that i couldn't understand. Part of me knew that I wouldn't be able to comprehend it. I just did. So as i sat there, racking my brain and spouting the prayers of my heart to the Lord, and it hit me. This is GREAT! Even though I don't understand completely and I doubt, God is still good, and i still trust him. He has a plan that I have not the slightest idea what it is! It's glorious! My feeble human mind cannot envelop or contain the Lord! what a shocker. he is mysterious and astounding, and i will never be able to know the depths of his being. it's beyond me and all of us. for the first time, I experienced, i felt, i understood what it truly means to fear the Lord. It's like nothing i've EVER experienced. in that moment, i knew that just knowing God is not enough. i want to not only know him, but give myself to him even when i am not at all sure of what his plans entail! i want to share in his sufferings and bring him all the glory! I felt his sovereignty and goodness and I FEAR HIM. I revere him. he is beautiful and abounding with so much mystery and glory that we don't even know.

and to top off this glorious encounter with the living God and learning what it means to really fear him, this verse came to mind, Proverbs 9:10. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."

Told ya he delivers. now that's what I call an answered prayer :)

-Alexa