The Test

So, my grade and I got back from an AMAZING retreat last week. Seriously - it was so, so, so awesome! But I'll be posting more about that later. I have so much to tell you about it! Anyway, immediately after I got home from retreat I felt kind of "indifferent" about God at that moment...I was disappointed in myself. I mean, come on, retreats are supposed to change a person, making he or she even closer to God. They shouldn't be just a "camp high," and I wasn't supposed to just return to my normal life at home after it, unchanged - especially not indifferent towards my faith. I was just so confused. I had such high expectations for my life after that single retreat, and it seemed like nothing happened - even though SO much happened at that camp (again, I'll post more about that later). So, like I said, I was just indifferent. Even during church that Sunday, I was slightly interested in the readings and songs, but then I got so bored and then zoned out. I only read a few chapters of my Bible on Monday night, and then I didn't really have time to throughout the rest of the week. Slowly, slowly, slowly, I began to realize that maybe there was more to this feeling of indifference than I had realized.

You know how we earlier talked about how God often tests his followers...tests their faith just to much sure that we know that He's still there, almost reminding us that we absolutely need Him - and only Him - in life? Well, it seemed like that was exactly what I was going through this past week...a test. Think about it...God had so, so, SO blessed me during retreat; maybe he had planned to "test" me when I returned from retreat, as if he was thinking, Let me just make sure that Haley really got the messages and lessons (from retreat) and is really going to implement them into her life. And let's make sure that she shares what she's learned with others. As soon as I realized this I felt so much happier that there was a reason behind it all! I hope this is all making sense because it sure does for me! I meant to post this as soon I thought about it, but I've just had such a busy week...but then Whitley's last post asking us to pray for her if we can so that "God will show her joy again in all that she does" reminded me of the spiritual "test" I have just had. In a way, throughout this whole week, I was begging God to instill the joy in me again too - not indifference, but JOY, because true joy is true freedom and true freedom is found in Christ alone. (:

Also, I had so many tests this past week (you'll see how this relates in just a second). Before each test, I tried to say a little prayer to God like, "God, please just help me to calm down and do well." Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was saying, "Hey God, give the answers." I mean, I guess I just say little prayers before major tests because it really does calm me down! Anyway, I added to that little prayer not only for him to make me calm for (and at least pass) the physical tests in front of me...but also the spiritual test inside of me. Remember that test I was talking about, how I was being indifferent towards God, and how God seemed to have been testing my faith after granting me SO many blessings at retreat? I consider that my own spiritual test. It really has taught me not to have made retreat just a "camp high" (we always talk about that kind of stuff at Sky Ranch!), but to never forget everything I learned and actively abide by those lessons every single day of my life. I feel so much better after this tiring and long, long, long week because it seems like I really have passed this spiritual test! (: This is making me so happy (joyful) right now to share this little story with y'all...like I said earlier, *true joy is true freedom and true freedom is found in Christ alone.*

Tomorrow, I will begin teaching a religious education class at my church for kids who don't attend Catholic schools and want to learn more about their faith. Please, please, please pray for me if you get a chance, so that I may properly teach them more about God and inspire them to grow in their faith. And any of your comments about this whole thing would be greatly apprectiated. (:

You're in my prayers,
Haley